Cell phones quickly becoming portable entertainment devices
Although its influence is undeniable, some people (like those that Neal Gabler writes about in his book Life the Movie: How Entertainment Conquered Reality) may argue that this is bad for our society, only leading to corruption....
less than a complete portable entertainment devices.
Well, with today’s society being more exposed and tolerant to certain contents about many diverse topics, the significant matter used as entertainment in many comedies is becoming more controversial day by day....
Avoid writing about yourself. You should give explains of people in general. Also think more carefully about how to support your arguments with strong ideas. Your second body paragraph has stronger ideas than the first. Be careful going too deeply into medical terminology when the actual topic is technology and society. This gives the impression you are a doctor and the only language you know well is medical language – being able to write two strong sentences with medical language will not give you a higher band score when the rest of your essay uses lower level language. Also check your grammar (plurals, articles) and vocabulary.
All the best