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The brain lets a person know if they’re hungry, tired, happy, sad, angry, upset, or excited all while reminding the body’s lungs to breathe, heart to beat, stomach to digest food, and many other involuntary actions.1 While the brain is a very efficient organ, things can go wrong and affect the brain negatively....

“What are you reading?” is a great opening….if you are talking to a kid who is a good reader and proud of their skills.

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My daughter is a celebrity but anyone who speaks with her more than 5 minutes sees that there is a lot more to her. She is smart, intuitive, principled and witty. I raised her praising her virtues, her intellect and placed a higher value on who she was rather than what she looked like. All little girls must be told they are pretty but not any more than they are told they are smart, kind, strong, imaginative, patient, giving, or whatever virtue or strength reveals itself. Until Hollywood stops flaunting anorexic, face painted, young girls with tight or short clothing being rude to adults, parents are fighting an uphill battle.

And what if they aren’t beautiful? The “smart ofrpretty” dichotomy is a stupid one, agreed, but it needs to be deconstructed truthfully.

All hail SMART! I remember being so fixated on appearance in high-school that it was painful. Here are the points that I should have realized then:
1) Pretty wasn’t going to get me into university. I am now working on my Ph.D. in biology.
2) Pretty wasn’t going to get me the grades I needed to maintain.
3) Pretty wasn’t going to get me a job in my field of interest.
4) Pretty wasn’t going to get my papers published. No scientist sends mug shots in with their research write-ups.
5) Pretty did not lead to me meeting my husband. He thinks the whole package is beautiful, but he always says that he has never been interested in someone who lacks intelligence.
For as smart as I was in high-school, appearance was the one place where I woefully idiotic. I was too obsessed with thinking that I wasn’t pretty enough. I also had a constant stream of people telling me how pretty my younger sister was. It took me awhile to mentally overcome that conditioning.
Be smart. Beauty – true beauty – comes from passion in your life and interests. Intelligence will give you that passion.

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The mother was obsessed with having the best beauty products, the best handbag (she had a collection), expensive clothes, the latest apple product, and even commented that I was valuable because of how pretty and young I was. Their 7 yr old daughter was warped into this thinking and while her mother meant to do well, there clearly is going to be body issues and self esteem problems for this girl when she grows up.

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Thanks for this. I have a young son, 14, who is very conscious of his appearance. Has been since he could talk. He has a lot of girl-friends that I take home from school and I am always asking them what they learned in school today. One positive thing and one negative thing. And how they can work through the negative. They are all teenagers and I want to help them to love themselves they way they are. It’s hard and frustrating to hear them talk down about themselves. Thanks for your words.

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For those of us who work in the beauty industry, it is easy to get caught up in appearance perfection. It is sad to see the upcoming generations so focused on that physical perfection. This is a great reminder for us to teach these young girls that they have so much more value than how they look, and to nuture those special qualities that hover beneath the surface waiting to be nurtured!

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Congratulations, you made a conscious decision not to pay someone a compliment that they probably would have loved to hear. Where is it written that it’s “correct” to value intelligence over beauty, literature over fashion?

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This was a wonderful article especially with the huge following for the toddler/girl beauty pageants. I can’t believe that someone would subject a small child to that type of stress and have them thinking that the only thing you can be is a princess type.
Girls are intelligent and able to do anything that they want in life, as long as there are parents behind them with encouragement and love.
I must admit that when my daughter was born ( after 2 sons) I was hoping for a “girly girl”. Well, she had two brothers to play with and instead of ballet , she is a 2nd Black Belt in Taekwondo and competes in local and national competitions. She is smart, she is beautiful and she is strong. She is also doing something that she loves and works very hard with her coach to be the best that she can in her chosen sport. At 13, she wants to look nice but that doesn’t include make up or anything drastic. She is taking pre-ap classes and some 9th grade classes while in the 9th grade. She is now my idea of what a girl should be, strong, smart and passionate about her life.